To a Goddess...

I feel numb. But numbness is not a work I can properly use to describe how I feel. It's almost like I wish to disolve myself. I wish to shred my sanity, my soul, and my essence away into Oblivion, and feel the essence of non-existance overcome me, and take me. One could call me feeling "hollow", but hollow implies a physical shell to fill. Rather, I feel like a wisp of smoke, formless, shapeless, dissolving into the universe, but not in a good way. I feel my mind slipping into madness, a descent that is not slow, but rather almost being thrown from a plane. Spinning, turning, uncontrollably, not being able to tell what is up, down, real or imaginary, and with that terminal ground coming closer and closer, faster and faster. I want to laugh. I want to cry. I just want to sit down in the pouring rain, curled up into a ball, and not move. What is the point of it all? What is the point of the meaningless existance that we call reality? Why do I search, if only to find defeat? Am I not good enough? Why do I fail?